


Hala hala

by Jaemins_smile



Series: It's okay to be hurt [1]
Category: ATEEZ (Band)
Genre: Alternate Universe - College/University, Anal Fingering, Anal Sex, Belly Rubs, Bottom Choi San, Come Eating, Dom Jung Wooyoung, Dom/sub, Eating Disorders, Fluff and Angst, Halloween Costumes, M/M, Mild Hurt/Comfort, Nipple Piercings, Non-Consensual Spanking, Oral Sex, Other Ships Not Mentioned in Tags, Past Child Abuse, Piercings, Sexual Assault, Spanking, Stalking, Sub Choi San, Top Jung Wooyoung
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-01-17
Updated: 2020-01-17
Packaged: 2021-02-27 15:41:43
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 7,199
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/22169578
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Jaemins_smile/pseuds/Jaemins_smile
Summary: Life could be better for San if he was being honest but hey? Life isn't always what you want it to be be, right?As long as he had Wooyoung his loving boyfriend and all his friends by his side he'd be okay.
Relationships: Choi San/Jung Wooyoung
Series: It's okay to be hurt [1]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1608328
Comments: 7
Kudos: 88





	Hala hala

**Author's Note:**

> I in no way condone to any of the assault, child abuse, stalking or anything else that is part of this fic. 
> 
> Trigger warning for sexual assault, stalking, child abuse, and eating disorders.
> 
> Please do not read if any of that could potentially trigger you or makes you uncomfortable in any way. 
> 
> I have warned you about what's going on in this fic so read at your own risk, I will not be held accountable for your own actions and if you get triggered by this.

Sometimes San wished he had a different life or maybe just a better one cause what his life was right now wasn't exactly working for him. 

He told himself that as long as he had his friends and his amazing boyfriend by his side he'd be fine, but lately that didn't seem all true. 

Yeah his life had been going down hill the past couple of months but he tried to stay optimistic, telling himself that life would be okay again, sometimes he even believed it. 

It was nights like these that he did. He would come home from work late at night and be welcomed by Wooyoung, being wrapped up in a tight embrace and have kisses placed all over his face. 

And then on other nights he would loose all hope. He would come home from a long stressful day of work and school, crying and on the verge of a mental breakdown, Wooyoung wouldn't be there waiting for him and he'd be left to deal with his demons on his own. 

Some nights it would get so bad that he would result to cutting and forcing himself to throw up , just to quiet his thoughts of self loathing, even if it was only for a short period of time. 

No one knew what he was going through, he was good at hiding it. They never suspected him of not eating, of cutting himself, hating himself. He always made it his top priority to not let anyone find out. 

He always made sure to have a happy smile on his face, to always be cheery and optimistic about everything. Always was the one to bring the groups spirit back up. He had no other choice, he couldn't let them find out. 

He wouldn't.

That is until Wooyoung came home unexpectedly one night and caught San in the process of throwing up, in his haste to get to the bathroom he had forgotten to close the door. 

He felt his stomach drop at the look on Wooyoung's face. He felt his heart break, he never wanted this to happen, he never wanted Wooyoung to see him like this. 

A sob escaped his throat and then the dam to his tears broke, all of his feelings came rushing out, tears spilled out of his eyes at an impressive speed. 

He covered his mouth and sat up against the bathtub, "I'm so sorry. I'm so Fucking sorry Wooyoung." He sobbed, he felt even more disgusted with himself now that someone knew. 

"Baby don't be sorry." He said softly. He crouched down next to San and hugged him tight, he felt like he was even more of a failure when Wooyoung wrapped his arms around him. 

"There is nothing to be sorry about." He whispered. He couldn't believe he hadn't noticed what San was going through sooner, that he couldn't help sooner. 

Wooyoung carefully picked San up and brought him to their shared bedroom, he understood what he was going through having gone through something similar in high school.

He laid him down and disappeared out of the room. San wipped the last of his tears away and crawled under the blankets, hiding away from the world. He felt just plain awful. 

He knew that Wooyoung would understand what he was going through but he didn't want him to, he didn't want him to help him, he didn't want him to know. He couldn't stress it enough how badly he didn't want anyone to know. 

Wooyoung came back a little bit later, a cup of tea in his hand and some saltines. "San, can you sit up please." He pat him on the butt and smiled when San listened. "Drink this please, your stomach hurts now right?" San nodded slightly, "Yeah that's what I thought. This will help settle it and so will the saltines." He handed him the cup and set the saltines on the bedside table.

"You don't have to eat a lot of them but you need some kind of food in your stomach or you won't feel to good." He ran his hand through San's hair and kissed him on the forehead gently. 

The small gesture made his heart hurt, he knew this was hard for Wooyoung to see, for many reasons. He hated that he was putting him through this. 

Maybe he could pretend it was just a one time thing and that it wouldn't happen again, maybe then he could get away with it and Wooyoung would forget all about this. 

That was the new plan.

San woke up the next morning, Wooyoung's arms wrapped around his waist, his face buried in his chest. San smiled and combed his fingers through the younger boys hair.

He wiggled his way out of his boyfriends embrace and made his way to the bathroom to get ready for the day. The morning had started out so nice that he could almost forget about what happened last night. 

Once finished getting ready for the day he went to the kitchen to make Wooyoung some breakfast before he had to leave. After all he did for San last night the least he deserved was some hand made breakfast. 

He quickly went to work making a quick meal of eggs, bacon, and toast. He was so focused on cooking he didn't hear Wooyoung enter the kitchen. 

He shrieked when he felt a pair of arms wrap around his waist. His heart beating out of his chest. "You scared me!" He pouted his lips and huffed. 

"I'm sorry baby." He kissed San's neck and then let go of him. He grabbed two mugs from the cabinet and filled them with coffee, placing one next to San. 

"How are you feeling Sanie? Are you okay? You can talk to me about it, you know that right?" Wooyoung asked, genuine concern in his voice. It made San feel even worse about what he'd done. 

"Yeah I'm fine. It was nothing, I just ate something that didn't agree with me and got sick." He said nonchalantly. He served the food and handed a plate to him. 

Wooyoung sighed and set his plate down and hugged San tight, "If anything is wrong please tell me San. I'm always here for you and I'll never judge you for anything. I don't know what I saw last night but it scared me and I just want to be sure you're actually okay." He said sadly.

San hated lying to his boyfriend but he couldn't bring himself to admit something was actually wrong, "I know Woo, and that's what I love about you. But I promise nothing was happening last night, I'm okay. I promise." He said with a small smile.

He cupped Wooyoung's face and kissed him firmly, he wanted to drop the subject, he hoped that this would do it. He wrapped his arms around San's waist and deepened the kiss.

He shoved his hand in the back of San's pants, gropping his ass. San moaned into Wooyoung's mouth and pressed their bodies impossibly closer. 

He laughed and pulled away from the younger, he placed one last kiss on his lips and turned away from him, "You have to leave soon, we're not starting anything." He said as he began eating.

Wooyoung huffed rolled his eyes, "You really do know how to make a guy want you." He spanked him and left to room to go get ready for work, taking his food with him. 

Once Wooyoung was gone and off the property San sprinted to the bathroom and dropped to his knees in front of the toilet. He could hear his heartbeat in his ears, he was panicking. He waited to long to do this.

He shoved two fingers down his throat successfully making himself throw up. He fell backwards panting, his throat burned and his stomach hurt. 

He started crying hard, everything he did was disgusting. Even when he was trying so hard to not be disgusting he still was. He fucking hated himself. 

He was disgusting, a failure, horrible, ugly, fat, a disgrace, everything he tried so hard not to be.

After half an hour of crying and another half trying to look presentable he made his way to class, all of his friends looking concerned for him. 

"Are you okay San Hyung?" Jongho asked, he lightly placed a hand on San's cheek, concern in his eyes and voice. 

San nodded his head and sat at his desk, pulling his stuff out for the lecture. He really didn't want to talk right now, he wasn't feeling to great.

His friends shared a knowing look but decided to not push it any further, they knew San was going through something, something bad. They never brought it up to him, they knew San was really sensitive when it came to his personal problems, he usually liked to deal with things on his own, most of the time he would even deny anything was wrong. Like he was doing now. 

They spent the rest of the hour on edge, San wasn't himself today. Something was very wrong but they couldn't ask him. 

Right after his classes finished he had to go straight to work, from one stressful place to the next. He hated his job but he couldn't afford to quit it. 

He quickly changed into his uniform and grabbed a notepad. He put on the cheeriest face he could manage as he approached his first table. It appeared to be a family gathering, there was a lot of teens and children too. 

"Hello my name is San I'll be your waiter today. What can I get you to drink?" He asked, his voice as cheerful as possible. He pulled out his notepad and quickly started writing down what everyone wanted. 

He came back with the drinks, the tray was crazy heavy. He started placing drinks on the table, he reached the side of the table with the loud annoying teen girls. One of the girls threw her hands up hitting the tray. 

The tray was pushed up, tipping over towards San, all of the drinks spilling on him, soaking him to the bone, the glasses falling to the floor, shattering on contact. The table fell silent, all of them staring at him. The girl who caused the accident looked mortified. 

San stared down at himself, soaked in ice tea, beer, margarita, and soda. His breathing was uneven and heavy, tears welling up in his eyes.

"I am so so sorry." The girl said, tears in her eyes. She was probably so embarrassed right now. 

San tried to say something but it came out as a broken sob, he covered his mouth and walked away. His co-workers freaked out and brought him to the back, "Hongjoong Hyung, will you please go get them new drinks?" San asked through his sobs.

Normally he would just have to deal with rude customers but this, this was different, this was humiliating and disgusting. 

Seonghwa handed him a change of clothes and led him to the bathroom to clean up and get changed. As soon as he was cleaned up, changed, and had recomposed himself, he went back to finish his rounds.

"Hello everyone. I apologize for my reaction earlier, that was very unprofessional of me and the drinks spilling was one hundred percent my fault." He bowed to them and took their orders. 

The rest of his shift went pretty smooth, only one other casualty happened, but it was a minor one, not even worth getting upset over.

He went home. Wooyoung was already there, laying on the floor studying. He had his glasses on and his eyebrows were furrowed in concentration. 

"Hey Woo." He said softly. He dropped his bag on the ground and laid next to him on the ground. He ran his fingers through his hair, kissing his shoulder. 

"Hey baby, how was work and school?" He asked, not breaking his eyes from his work. 

"School was stressful as normal, I've got a test now too. I got a tray of drinks spilled on me, and some drunk guys were being annoying, a little stressed still if I'm being honest." San said quietly. He continued placing kisses on Wooyoung's shoulder, biting him softly. 

"Aw poor baby." Wooyoung turned to San and kissed him, "Anything I can do to help?" He asked, he brushed San's hair behind his ear and kissed him again. 

"You could kiss me some more, maybe do some other things too." He said smiling as Wooyoung kept kissing him. He laughed and pushed San on his back. 

He kissed him, this one long with more passion. San whined and grabbed Wooyoung's collar and pulled him down, "Wooyoung." He panted as his boyfriend kissed along his neck. 

"What do you want baby." He asked. He unbuttoned San's shirt and kissed his chest, sucking dark marks on his skin. 

"Want you. Sanie wants you." He whined, he bucked his hips up in the air and tugged on Wooyoung's shirt. 

"Alright baby. Come on, let's go to the room." He stood up and picked San up, carrying him to the room. As soon as he was in Wooyoung's arms his lips were attached to his boyfriends neck biting his skin.

"Sanie wants to suck you off." He mumbled when Wooyoung set him on the bed, he pouted his lips and looked up at him with big puppy eyes. 

"Of course Sanie. You can have whatever you want baby boy." He placed a pillow on the ground, and kissed San before helping him off the bed and on to the ground, kneeling on the pillow. 

Wooyoung unbuckled his belt, unzipped his pants and pulled them off. San was practically drooling over the sight of it, his own dick twitching at the sight of it. he leaned forward and mouthed at his dick, leaving a wet spot on the front of his boxers. 

He pulled them down and moaned at the sight of Wooyoung's dick. He licked the head and then wrapped his lips around it, sucking harshly. Wooyoung grabbed a handful of his hair, and groaned. 

San let his jaw go slack and leaned forward, letting as much of Wooyoung's dick into his mouth as possible until the head hit the back of his throat, his nose against his pelvis.

He pulled off almost all the way, stopping at the tip, swirling his tongue around the head. He goes back down all the way, bobbing his head. Gliding his tongue along the underside of his dick. He reached down and palmed himself through his jeans. 

This felt like the only thing he could do right, satisfy his boyfriend. Sometimes it felt like he couldn't even do that right. 

"Fuck, Sanie. I'm gonna come. You make me feel so good baby." He groaned, he thrusted his hips forward, his grip on San's hair tightening. 

San melted at that, there was the validation he needed. He bobbed his head faster, swallowing around Wooyoung's dick. That was all it took for him to be coming down San's throat.

He pulled out of his mouth and kneeled in front of his boyfriend, "You did so good baby. So so good." He kissed him gently and helped him back into the bed.

He laid down behind San and kissed his shoulder. San flipped around and kissed Wooyoung with insane intensity. 

Wooyoung pulled San's shirt off and then pushed him on his back and kissed down his neck, sucking dark marks on any part of him his mouth could reach. 

San moaned loudly, he was certain that the neighbors could hear him. Wooyoung flicked his sensitive nipples, laughing at San's reaction. 

He kissed his slightly visible ribs, leaving a few love bites on them. He went down further until he reached the waistband of his pants. 

He made quick work of pulling his pants and briefs off and then kissed his thighs. He made sure to involve as many kisses as possible, San loved kisses and normally would ask for those when he was stressed.

He kissed his inner thighs nibbling slightly. He reached over to their bedside table and pulled a condom and lube from inside. He lubed up his fingers and pushed one inside San, slowly working him open. 

He added another one, thrusting his fingers in and out. He scissored his fingers inside of San, stretching him open. One particular thrust, angling his fingers in a way he knew would make the boy under him scream. His fingers brushed against his prostate, and as predicted, San scream out, balling his fists in the sheets. 

"F-fuck! Woo, feels so good!" San cried out, arching his back. Wooyoung always made him feel insanely good when they had sex, he hoped he made Wooyoung feel the same way 

He added another finger, speeding up his thrusts, "Woo! 'm gonna cum." He panted out. 

After awhile of stretching him he pulled his fingers out and wipped them off on the bedsheets. He leaned over San and kissed him gently, "You alright baby?" He asked against his lips. 

San nodded and whined, he wrapped his arms around Wooyoung's neck and pulled him down for another kiss, "I'm perfect." He smiled against Wooyoung's lips. 

"Good." He wrapped his hand around San's dick, quickly pumping him. San whined into Wooyoung's mouth who happily swallowed them up. 

In seconds San was spilling into Wooyoung's hand, pathetic moans and whines spilling out of him. His body was shaking as Wooyoung stroked him through his orgasm. 

"You did so good baby. Sanie did so good, made Hyung so proud." He kissed San on the lips, the kiss full of love and adoration. He brushed the hair out of San's eyes and smiled at him.

San giggled and kissed Wooyoung. They both fell asleep shortly after that, not bothering to clean up, they would worry about it whenever they woke up.

The next couple of weeks were good for San, he started feeling better. Cutting became less frequent, he started eating more, only little bits but it was still progress. He could tell his friends and Wooyoung were proud of him.

He was proud of himself. 

Work was still a pain in his ass but it was okay,same thing with school. However, he passed that test with a crazy good score, maybe life was good after all. 

He gained a bit of his confidence back and started wearing properly fitting clothes again, instead of the loose ones he had been wearing, and started going out more. He was happy with himself 

Hence the reason he allowed Wooyoung to talk him into going to some stupid Halloween party Yeosang was hosting. And go as Joker and gender bent Harley Quinn. 

He had to say they both looked freaking amazing but he wasn't sure if he wanted to go out in the outfit. The shorts were way shorter than he thought and they made him a bit uncomfortable 

The shirt also didn't feel quite as comfortable as he would want. He did look good though, the blue and red shorts hugged his thighs perfectly, the fishnet stockings made his pale legs look darker healthier. The makeup made his face look much fuller, more beautiful. He even matched his eyebrow ring with the costume, a blue ring with red balls. He still for some reason didn't feel like he looked amazing.

"You look amazing San." Wooyoung said and kissed him on the cheek. He was right, San did look amazing, there was no reason to not be confident in his appearance. 

They arrived at the party half an hour late so everyone had already arrived and the place was crowded as hell, the music was blasting, people trying to shout over it. Everyone was dressed up, a video variety of costumes. It appeared that Wooyoung and San were the only Harley Quinn and Joker, although it was unlikey.

"Hey, I'm gonna go look for the others, will you be okay by yourself for a second?" Wooyoung asked to which San nodded a small smile on his face. Wooyoung walked away, leaving San by himself. 

He looked around the room examining the people, he decided to go find something to drink to calm his nerves. He moved through the crowd, avoiding touching anyone as much as possible. 

Finally he made his way into the kitchen and grabbed a drink off the drink table. There were few people chatting calmly in the kitchen, a crazy difference from the people in the other room. 

He started to make his way back to the main room to search for someone he knew. Before he could leave the kitchen he felt a sharp pain on his ass and yelped, he spun around to face the culprit. 

A tall man drunk as a skunk, smirking at him. He grabbed San by the wrist and pulled him to his body, "What are you doing by yourself pretty thing?" He questioned, holding San by the hips. 

He ripped away from the man, his face scrunched up in disgust, "Don't fucking touch me." He hissed. He turned back around to leave but was once again stopped. 

The man wrapped his arms around around San's waist and pulled him back against himself again. "Where do you think you're going?" He asked. His hand lowered and dipped into San's shorts and grabbed his crotch. 

He scream and elbowed the man as hard as he could in the ribs. The man doubled over in pain, San took the opportunity to stomp on the man's foot and break free, "Leave me the hell alone." He scream, fear burning in the pit of his stomach. 

He threw the last of his drink in the mans face and bolted out of the kitchen, frantically searching for Wooyoung or one of his friends. 

His eyes darted around the many faces of the people there until he spotted Mingi in the far corner of the room, he felt relieved to see him. He pushed his way through the crowd and fell into Mingi's arns, breathing heavily.

"San! Hey, what's wrong? Are you okay?" He asked his voice panicked. 

San shook his head furiously and clung on to Mingi like his like depended on it, he was scared and felt horribly disgusting, he couldn't believe that just happened. 

"Wooyoung! He's over here!" Mingi called out, still holding his best friend up. He was terrified and confused, he didn't understand why San was acting like this. 

Wooyoung came rushing over and pulled San from Mingi's arms and into his own. San fell apart as soon as he was in his boyfriends arms. 

"San!? Hey, what happened, why are you crying!?" He was freaking out, it was rare that San ever let his emotions out, especially in somewhere so public. 

He spoke and tried to tell them what happened but it came out broken, rushed, and jumbled together due to his sobbing, Mingi and Wooyoung couldn't make out a word he was saying.

"Baby you have to calm down, I can't understand what you're saying." Wooyoung said softly, he ran his hand through San's hair, trying to calm him and stop his cries. 

The rest of their friends showed up, looking just as concerned as Mingi and Wooyoung, not one of them understood what was happening. Seeing their usually put together and happy friend so broken and vulnerable, hurt their hearts. 

"I'm taking him home. We'll see you guys tomorrow." He said quickly. He picked San up and carried him out of the building. San was still crying as Wooyoung helped him into the car. 

On the way back to their apartment he had calmed down and stopped crying. He stayed silent and hugged his legs to his chest, Wooyoung knew he was hurting and that something was very wrong. 

San wanted to ignore everything, he hated himself and he hated that he couldn't do something to stop what happened to him. Hated that it happened in the first place. He was disgusted with himself and wanted to die. He always felt disgusting but this was a different kind of disgusting. He felt gross in his body after that man touched him.

As soon as they were inside the apartment San ran to the bathroom slamming and locking it behind him. He could faintly hear Wooyoung begging to be let in, he didn't care. He needed a moment for himself. 

His heart was loud in his ears, pounding in his chest. He felt so sick, disgusting, and awful. His stomach turned and he spilled his guts into the toilet. 

He let out a loud sob and covered his face with his hands, Wooyoung's voice got louder, he was so scared for San, he didn't understand what happened or why he was acting this way. 

Finally Wooyoung reached his breaking point and busted the door open and rushed to San's side, hugging him tight. "Hey hey, it's okay baby. What's going on?" He asked using the softest tone possible, not wanting to make the situation worse. 

All he got was a shake of San's head in reply. He grabbed his hair, clenching his fists tightly and shook his head again, still sobbing loudly. He couldn't find the strength in him to confess what happened to him. 

"Baby I need you to talk to me. I can't help you if you don't." His voice was shaking with fear. He kissed the top of San's head, both to calm himself and San down. 

"I-i can't, I can't." San said softly, he sounded so broken, destroyed. He looked broken and vulnerable. He couldn't even start to imagine how pathetic he looked to Wooyoung, it made him sick. 

Wooyoung nodded in understanding, whatever happened was worse than he originally thought if San couldn't even talk to Wooyoung about it. San wasn't a very open person when it came to his personal life, but he would share it with Wooyoung and Wooyoung only. 

He knew everything about San, what happened in his childhood, what his family was like to him, all of his fears and dreams. Even all of the horrible things that were done to him, and that he had to witness. 

He picked San up and carried him to their bedroom, he grabbed him a pair of sweatpants and a hoodie. He left the room to give him so privacy to change. 

San sluggishly took off the costume and stared at himself in the mirror. He could see the outline of his ribs, it scared him, had he really become that thin? Even though he knew he was skinny, skinnier than he should be, he still felt like he was fat. Like his body was disgustingly fat. He never was fat, he had always been at a healthy weight. 

He felt more tears rising in his eyes so he quickly averted his eyes from the mirror and pulled his clothes on and crawled under the covers, hiding as much of himself as he could. 

Wooyoung came back minuets later, smiling at San. He crouched next to the bed and kissed San's forehead, " I know you can't talk right now but San I want you to know that I'm always here for you and you can talk to me about anything, whenever you want or need." He kissed his forehead again and climbed in bed with him. 

He hadn't bothered changing out of his costume, all he wanted to do was be there for his baby and comfort him and hold him. He knew that's what San needed right now. 

About a week had passed after the party, he still didn't feel okay and still felt disgusting and dirty but he was better. Wooyoung had been so kind to him the whole time, it helped him more than Wooyoung could imagine. 

He still hadn't said what happened and probably never would but everyone understood and didn't push it, which he was thankful for. 

Life wasn't easy he wasn't going to lie, most of the people at the party went to his college, it was hard to face them after he broke down in front of them. 

That fact being known, he had the horrible feeling that the man also went to the same school as him. He dreaded the thought, it made him sick, he would constantly be looking everywhere for the man just to be safe. 

Although he never seen him anywhere he couldn't shake the feeling that he was there and he was watching San's every move. 

Then again, he got that feeling wherever he went, the shopping district, work, school, restaurants, anywhere. Except at home, he only felt at ease when he was in his home, in Wooyoung's arms.

Another week passed and the unease he felt got worse, it was like the man was right behind him breathing down his neck. Like he was always near. 

His previous safe place even felt unsafe now, like the man was watching him even then. It terrified him thinking about it, it made him sick, so so so sick. 

He ended up throwing up that's how scared and uneasy he was feeling. He hadn't thrown up in a solid four days, it felt scarily comforting to him but also horrible. 

His stomach hurt even more than it did before, upsetting him further. He resulted in going to Wooyoung for comfort, which he got by the way. 

He laid between his boyfriends legs, his back to Wooyoung's chest. "You feeling okay, Sanie?" He asked sweetly. 

San shook his head and grabbed Wooyoung's hand and placed it on his tummy, "No, my tummy hurts." He pouted. Wooyoung chuckled at his cuteness and rubbed his stomach gently. 

"Poor baby." He kissed behind San's ear,and continued rubbing his belly. They made small talk to distract themselves from their responsibilities. San even spilled the beans on their friends Hongjoong and Seonghwa's relationship 

After a while of talking to his boyfriend San out of no where came t the conclusion that he wanted to try something new, "Wooyoungie, I'm gonna try something out tommorow. I'll have a surprise for you when you get home, okay?" He said, a teasing tone in his voice. 

He turned around in his arms and kissed him, "I hope you'll like it." A big smile graced his face as he spoke despite his worry that neither of them would like it. 

"What kind of surprise baby? Whatever it is I'm sure I'll love it." He wrapped his arms around San and kissed his lips repeatedly. He was curious what it would be, last time San said something like this he came home with and eyebrow piercing and a tattoo. 

Wooyoung loved them both and that night was probably the best sex they ever had. 

"A good one." He giggled. It was a good surprise, a very good one. One he thought would make Wooyoung go crazy. 

"Can't wait to see it." He kissed San on the nose and pet his head. 

Since San didn't have any classes the next day he took advantage of it and went to the piercing shop, he planned to get one piercing today. A while ago he had gotten his nipples pierced, Wooyoung didn't know since they hadn't done anything remotely close to sexual since the party, they both wanted to but never did it, San still wasn't comfortable.

He'd been wanting to pierce his bellybutton for a while now, this was the perfect time to do it. 

It only hurt a little bit, nothing he couldn't handle, and it looked so cute, he loved it. He hoped Wooyoung would too. 

He returned home, he had twenty minutes before his boyfriend came home, he had a little bit more of surprise. Since Wooyoung had been working so hard recently, he'd been busy with school and work, he deserved a little something. 

He stripped out of his original clothes swiftly and into a white button up shirt and lace panties. He had a harness on underneath, a beautiful contrast against his pale skin. 

He decided to leave his pants off and just pull the shirt lower. He had prepped himself as well, another surprise for Wooyoung. 

He got a wonderful idea and grabbed out his phone to take a picture. He kneeled on the bed and pointed the camera downwards, showing off only his body, his pale thighs open. 

He sent the picture to Wooyoung with the caption, "𝘔𝘪𝘴𝘴 𝘺𝘰𝘶 𝘏𝘺𝘶𝘯𝘨" he was satisfied with his work and laid down on the bed to nap for a little while.

A few minutes later his phone dinged, signaling that Wooyoung had texted back. 

Wooyoung<3 : 𝘍𝘶𝘤𝘬 𝘣𝘢𝘣𝘺, 𝘺𝘰𝘶 𝘤𝘢𝘯'𝘵 𝘴𝘦𝘯𝘥 𝘮𝘦 𝘴𝘵𝘶𝘧𝘧 𝘭𝘪𝘬𝘦 𝘵𝘩𝘢𝘵 𝘸𝘩𝘪𝘭𝘦 𝘐'𝘮 𝘢𝘵 𝘸𝘰𝘳𝘬. 𝘉𝘢𝘥 𝘚𝘢𝘯𝘪𝘦 >:( 

San shivered as he imagined the tone of Wooyoung's voice, low and dominant. He loved it when he used that voice. 

He propped his phone up at the foot of the bed and set a timer so he had time to get in the position he wanted. he laid on his back and spread his legs, he pushed on finger into his hole and bit his lip, staring directly at the camera. 

He sent the picture to Wooyoung as soon as the picture was taken. That one he was sure would do something to Wooyoung. He replied seconds later. 

Wooyoung<3 : 𝘋𝘢𝘮𝘯 𝘪𝘵 𝘚𝘢𝘯, 𝘺𝘰𝘶 𝘣𝘦𝘵𝘵𝘦𝘳 𝘴𝘵𝘰𝘱 𝘰𝘧 𝘐'𝘭𝘭 𝘱𝘶𝘯𝘪𝘴𝘩 𝘺𝘰𝘶 𝘸𝘩𝘦𝘯 𝘪 𝘨𝘦𝘵 𝘩𝘰𝘮𝘦. 𝘓𝘰𝘰𝘬 𝘸𝘩𝘢𝘵 𝘺𝘰𝘶'𝘷𝘦 𝘥𝘰𝘯𝘦 𝘵𝘰 𝘏𝘺𝘶𝘯𝘨. 

The picture attached was of Wooyoung's very visible hard on in his pants. San had succeeded in getting him hard, he always succeeded. The picture did however make his dick twitch in excitement. 

He went back to his camera angling it diwn towards his dick and hit record. He palmed at his dick moaning loudly, "Hyung." He moaned as he pressed down on his dick hard, his voice needy. 

"Sanie wants you." He whined, "Sanie needs you Hyung." He moaned loudly and pressed his thumb against his slit, bucking his hips. 

He stopped recording and sent it to Wooyoung, proud of his work. True ti his words he did want and need Wooyoung. He was extra needy tonight, he needed his boyfriend. 

His phone dinged. He was both scared and excited to see the response. Wooyoung probably wasn't to happy with him right now. That thought added to his excitement. 

Wooyoung<3 : 𝘠𝘰𝘶'𝘳𝘦 𝘣𝘦𝘪𝘯𝘨 𝘢 𝘷𝘦𝘳𝘺 𝘣𝘢𝘥 𝘣𝘰𝘺 𝘚𝘢𝘯𝘪𝘦. 𝘠𝘰𝘶 𝘳𝘦𝘢𝘭𝘪𝘻𝘦 𝘐'𝘮 𝘨𝘰𝘪𝘯𝘨 𝘵𝘰 𝘩𝘢𝘷𝘦 𝘵𝘰 𝘱𝘶𝘯𝘪𝘴𝘩 𝘺𝘰𝘶 𝘧𝘰𝘳 𝘴𝘦𝘯𝘥𝘪𝘯𝘨 𝘮𝘦 𝘵𝘩𝘢𝘵 𝘷𝘪𝘥𝘦𝘰 𝘸𝘩𝘪𝘭𝘦 𝘐'𝘮 𝘢𝘵 𝘸𝘰𝘳𝘬, 𝘳𝘪𝘨𝘩𝘵? 𝘚𝘶𝘤𝘩 𝘢 𝘣𝘢𝘥 𝘣𝘰𝘺

Wooyoung<3 : 𝘓𝘰𝘰𝘬 𝘩𝘰𝘸 𝘩𝘢𝘳𝘥 𝘺𝘰𝘶'𝘷𝘦 𝘮𝘢𝘥𝘦 𝘩𝘺𝘶𝘯𝘨

The picture attached was of Wooyoung's dick, he looked achingly hard, the tip already leaking precum, San wanted it. He wanted it so bad.

His phone started ringing, scaring the hell out of him. He hit answer and lifted the phone to his ear with shaky hands, "Hyung?" 

"Sanie." He growled into the phone. He messed up big time, Wooyoung was not happy with him, he was gonna be in for it. 

"Is Hyung mad at Sanie?" He asked, his voice small and shaking. Sure he was scared if his punishment and what Wooyoung was going to say to him but he knew it wouldn't be anything to bad. 

"Yes Hyung is, you've been a very bad boy Sanie." His voice was low, a threatening edge to it, "Sanie, I want you to get a vibrator and set it on the highest setting, understand?" 

San moaned quietly at his words and said mumbled his reply, "I understand Hyung." He got up from their bed and retrieved the vibrator from the closet. He laid back on the bed and pushed the toy inside himself. 

He turned it on and moaned loudly into the phone, he pulled it in and out of himself, whining as he did so. All he could think about was Wooyoung and how much better he would feel if it were his cock fucking him. 

"Are you thinking about Hyung Sanie? Thinking about his cock? Such a slut for his cock." His voice teasing, making San whine again.

"Sanie loves Hyungs cock, want it so bad." He cried. Helushed the vibrator inside himself, almost coming when it hit his prostate. 

"Hyung! Sanie is gonna come." He cried, tears were streaming down his face, the stimulation was overwhelming. 

"Don't you dare come San, not until Hyung is home, be a good baby and wait. I'm almost there baby." He said softly. His dominant voice from earlier gone without a trace.

"Okay." He said quietly as he tried to gain his composure once again. 

"I'm coming home, Goodbye Sanie." The line went silent and San was left in almost complete silence, the only sound was his heavy breathing.

He whined and started stroking his dick, he stopped abruptly when he heard a knock at the door. Who was that? It certainly couldn't be Wooyoung, he had keys, and this was his apartment. 

All of his friends were busy today so it couldn't be them, he wasn't even going to bother checking who it was, he stayed in his place and kept pleasuring himself. 

The knock came again more insistent this time. It came again after a minute. San groaned and pulled the vibrator out of himself, he pouted for a minute and then pulled on some pants. 

He shuffled to the door, before opening it he put the chain on and peaked out. He almost threw up when he seen who was outside, his heart stopped. 

"Hey pretty thing." The man smirked and pushed on the door, frowning slightly when the door didn't budge. 

San slammed the door shut, hitting the guy in the process. He couldn't believe this was happening right now, his heart was racing in fear. 

He ran to his bedroom, tripping and falling in the process. He could hear the man yelling for San to let him in. He fumbled for his phone and called Wooyoung. 

"San? Why are you calling, I said I'd be home soon " he said confused. 

"Wooyoung some guy is at the door, he's yelling for me to let him in, I'm scared. He was at the party, he was the reason I freaked out, Wooyoung what do I do!?" He sobbed. He locked the bedroom door and sat in the far corner of the room. 

"San just calm down, I'm coming home it's okay baby." Wooyoung said, his voice was calm and sweet. It helped San calm down just the smallest bit. 

"It's not okay Woo, he found where I live. He knows who I am, he probably goes to our school. Wooyoung he knows where I live!" He cried harder. The man's screams were getting louder. 

"San listen to me okay? You will be okay, I'll call the police and they'll deal with it. I'll send Mingi over as well, I won't be home for awhile. You'll be okay baby. I'm going to hang up for a second okay?" He said softly. It broke his heart to hear his baby like that. 

"Okay, I love you." San said between sobs. This whole situation was so horrifying for him, especially since he experienced Something similar back in sophomore year of high school, before he was with Wooyoung. 

The line went silent and he was left in silence once again.

The man's screaming stopped and was replaced by angry talking, he could hear his best friend talking as well, he thanked the lord for Mingi. 

He pulled a coat on and zipped it up and quietly made his way to the living room to try and listen to what they were saying. 

"Look guy, I don't know what your deal is but I'm just trying to get into my boyfriend's place, what's the big deal?" The man asked. He felt throw up rising in his throat, he couldn't believe his ears. 

"Look you psychopath, I know that's not why you're here. I'm his best friend and I'm also friends with his real boyfriend. His real boyfriend sent me here because you're scaring San." Mingi said angry. It was rare that Mingi ever got mad, but when he did he was not a force to be reckoned with. 

Silence ensued, "I suggest you get the fuck out of here. The police are on their way." Mingi said. More silence. And then a knock came, "San Hyung! It's Mingi!" He called. 

San rushed over to the door opened it quickly and pulled Mingi in. He shut and locked it at lightening speed and then was hugging Mingi like his life depended on it.

"Thank you so much for Mingi, you're a life saver, I love you so much I'm forever in your debt, thank you so so much. I can't thank you enough Mingi, you're so amazing and an amazing friend." He cried into Mingi's shoulder. He spoke so quickly Mingi could barely understand him. 

"No need to thank me San, I'm just doing what's right and looking out for you." He hugged San tight and pet his head. He knew that life hadn't been to great for the older recently and that he was in a bad place. 

"San! Baby!" Wooyoung yelled as soon as he unlocked the door, he bolted over to the two abd pulled San into his arms. He smothered him in kisses and hugged him tight, "Are you okay, love? Are you hurt?" He asked looking over him. 

San nodded, his eyes filled with tears once more, threatening to spill over, "I'm okay." He said softly and kissed him softly. 

"I'll be heading out." Mingi said and then he was gone, leaving the couple by themselves. 

Wooyoung kissed him and ran his fingers through his hair, "I'm so sorry I couldn't get here sooner San. Are you sure you're okay?" He asked again. He's never been more concerned for his boyfriend in his life. 

"I promise that I'm okay now." He nodded his head and laughed, he felt so relieved t be in Wooyoung's arms, he felt so safe. 

"Come cuddle me and then I'll be even better. I just want to be in your arms and with you, you make me feel safe." He spoke quietly. Wooyoung backed them up into their room, never releasing San from his arms. 

He'd been spending so much more time with his friends, his boyfriend and everyone he cared about. He was the most happy he's been a long time. 

It was times like these that he realized and knew that he had it good. He had faith that things would stay good. He had faith that his life would be okay. 

He was learning to live himself, all of his flaws, all of his imperfections and it would take time he knew that. 

He hated his life sometimes but it will get better, he just has to look for the bright side in things and has to have faith that his life would get better.

You can't always find happiness, sometimes you just have to wait for it to find you, it may take a long time but it will always be worth the wait.

**Author's Note:**

> Real talk though, this was hard for me to write and it was mentally draining and I feel kinda dead after it lol. I also tried not to make things to informative cause like that hit to close to home for me and was triggering for me. I tried to keep it pretty mild when talking about the eating disorder and the assault.
> 
> I'm sorry for the crappy abrupt ending, this fic wasn't going the way I wanted and i didn't feel like i could fix or save it so I just ended it. I originally had so much planned fir this, but like I said it was very draining and hard for me to write.
> 
> I need to take a step back from the angsty fics so leave me some suggestions for some cute ones down in the comments!
> 
> [Twitter](https://twitter.com/jaemins_smile/)


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